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Training camps: Arizona Coyotes set record for mediocrity

It’s a well-known fact that the deepest place on earth is the Mariana Trench in the Pacific Ocean somewhere between the Philippines, Japan and Papua New Guinea. To get to the bottom of it, you’ll have to dive to a depth of 11 km below water level. At such depths, the pressure is so great that only ultra-secure submarines are able to get there, and the slightest failure of the craft means instant death.

That was, until new scientific research proved that there are deeper depths on earth.

Where’s that?

Somewhere in the Arizona desert, where the Coyotes continue to find ways to sink ever deeper into mediocrity.

If you’re a fan of the Arizona Coyotes, I apologize in advance, because this won’t be sweet text. But anyway, I’ve probably just made this warning for nothing… I’ve come to believe that there really aren’t any fans of this club. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a kind of urban legend we tell ourselves as teenagers to scare ourselves when we’re in need of a thrill. Who hasn’t tried to say Bloody Mary thirteen times while staring into a mirror, lit only by a candle in a darkened bedroom?

The way I see it, if you do the exercise, but change Bloody Mary to Gary Bettman, you’re forced to attend a Coyotes home game. A real nightmare!

They’re so crooked that next season, as my colleague Marc-Olivier Cook mentioned earlier today, they’ll have 28% of their payroll eaten up by contract buyouts or remaining salaries to be paid to retired players.

It just doesn’t make sense!

But just when you think they can’t dig any deeper into their mediocrity, they always find a new way to dig deeper.

Their new feat is so singular that it took me a few moments to format the information in my head: they’ll be playing three preparatory games on the same day!

But there’s even worse in this story… Because it’s not enough to play three games on the same day, they’ll also be in three cities spread over 2 continents. That’s right. Three cities and 2 continents!

The game against the Kings will be played in Melbourne, Australia, while the home game will be played in Wichita, Kansas. Only the one in St. Louis will be played in a real field hockey town.

What’s the point of training camp these days in the NHL?

To evaluate your players, to prepare your team for the upcoming season and, for some clubs, to generate extra profits while players go unpaid. It’s not for nothing that the Habs are always the team with the most on its agenda. Geoff says thank you for this great additional source of revenue!

But for some clubs, it’s just an expense, and clearly the Coyotes fall into the latter category. Now, you’re going to tell me that field hockey in general is a way for the Coyotes to lose money, and I’m 100% right. But to screw up an exercise as important to a team as pre-season games is a new level of ridiculousness I wasn’t expecting.

Tell me, how are they supposed to properly evaluate their roster when it’s split into three teams?

Tell me how they’re supposed to prepare a TEAM when they’ll need just over 60 different guys to fill the three lineups they’ll have to blow up on the ice?

Tell me how André Tourigny is going to duplicate himself to attend all these games?

We’re past the point of saying this is a ridiculous situation. It’s going to take a more intense word than that, even if we have to invent it!

To think that Tourigny had a full-time coaching position with Hockey Canada for the men’s program, and that he gave it up for a team that isn’t worthy of being part of the best field hockey circuit in the world.

The Coyotes are a disgrace to field hockey.

Thank you for everything, my dear Gary!

Breaking news

– Learn more about two prospects who could land in Montreal next week.

– It’s rare, but sometimes the Coyotes sign players to play with them. 🤯

– Another minor signing in Buffalo.

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