Last week we explored all the ways to ruin a wedding as a guest, so the logical progression is to talk about the bridal party this week. You're probably thinking 'Chris, aren't you just being lazy in doing similar entries two weeks in a row?' Firstly; you don't know me! And secondly, any event featured on America's Funniest home videos this many times deserves at least two articles in this series... but you're not wrong.
I've not yet been lucky enough to have been included in a wedding party, so I will share another shameful wedding story from my back catalogue of awkward youth experiences. As a 10 year old in a tux, I pretty much stole the show are my cousin's wedding back in the late nineties. I had to dance with the bride, throw cake in the couple's face and so on, and when it came time to remove the bride’s guarder belt, my drunk family members thought it would be a good idea to make the child catch it. So they hoisted me up on their shoulders and the groom threw the freshly removed undergarment right at me, but rather than catching it like a champ I ducked down and screamed when it grazed my face... should have been my first clue that lady bits were not for me.
Andrea always wanted to be a maid of honour, so much so that she remained extra close to all her high school girlfriends to ensure one of them would call on her eventually to be by their side. And it paid off! After 16 years of god awful white wine nights and acting as a receptacle for all her girlfriends’ issues she was finally asked to be the maid of honour by her best friend Emma.
Leading up to the wedding she was the perfect maid of honour, took care of the bride, made all the arrangements for the wedding, talked the groom down off the ledge, but when the big day came she found herself faced with crushing anxiety. So she took a deep breath and did what any other level headed adult would do, she pounded back a bottle of whiskey to take the edge off. Feeling good about her life choices, she stood by the bride at the top of aisle and began to lead her towards her future husband. Sadly between her massive heels and belly full of whiskey, Andrea couldn't stay vertical and went down like a bag of potatoes-taking Emma with her. Timberrr!
There are a crap load of Speeches at Weddings, there is the Bride and the Groom, the parents of each, the Best Man, the Maid of Honour and at one point whoever the hell wants to shut down the party to tell everyone how much they love the couple. Darren was the brother of the bride, and was standing in as the father since he had passed away several years before. Not one who really believed in marriage himself, he had issues with the ceremony from the word go, but he went along with it because he loved his sister.
Having no been to a Wedding as an adult, Darren was caught unawares when he was called up to do a Speech during the reception. Not knowing anything else to talk about, he began to retell the story of the first time her met his sister's new husband and how sweet and traditional he thought it was that he showed up with flowers and asked permission to take his sister out for the evening. The crowd seemed to eat it up but he noticed his sister becoming increasingly agitated until she finally leaned over and whispered into his ear "that was my ex-finance, this guy doesn't know that happened!"
If you have a shameful story you'd like to share with us send us an e-mail to email@example.com!