Once upon a time, One Direction fans thought it would be awesome to pelt the band with baby carrots.
It seems to have something to do with 1D's Louis Tomlinson. (The group's Niall Horan speaking to UK paper the Mirror last year: "Louis said he likes girls who like carrots. And ever since then we just get carrots sent to us.")
So which one of these mini-muffins said something about shoes? Who's been scanning Tiger Beat lately? Did one of them make out with a shoe, or propose to a shoe or let a shoe touch their superflous nipples?
Go on. Step up. We're waiting, 1D. So are Harry Styles's unborn children.
Because in case you missed it, a flying shoe "kicked' Harry Styles in the junk Tuesday night. Styles, along with the rest of One Direction, were playing a show in Glasgow when one creative fan decided to usher in a new, violent era of audience participation.
In a simpler time, a video of a young man getting a sneaker to the groin would have earned Styles $10,000 and a meet and greet with Bob Saget. This incident, however? This will only get him more shoes in the nuts.
As the Independent notes, fans have already junk-punched him with footwear. Please see this video taken at a Sydney performance in April:
What was wrong with baby carrots?!
We have seen the future of One Direction concerts, and it is bruised and limping.
Vulture notes that the flying shoes involved in Tuesday night's incident were Keds, notable only because Styles's most famous -- and most adorable --ex-girlfriend, Taylor Swift, is currently the brand's spokesfeet.
We can only imagine her shock and horror:
It does not appear that the shoe-toss was an act of vigilante justice on behalf of Swift, however -- or that the sneakers were tossed by Swift herself. The Scottish Daily Record identified the perp as a One Direction fan named Jade Anderson, who explained her actions to the paper after being escorted from the show by security. "I just wanted him to touch something belonging to me," she told the paper. "I didn't mean to hit him where I hit him, I'm really embarrassed."
Relive the pain in the video below. Styles, it seems, has survived his injuries, and can be seen in the footage gamely stretching off the assault.
To anyone attending One Direction's world tour, take a moment to reflect before throwing your sneakers on stage. Think of future generations, and how they might be just as delighted to squeal for Harry Styles II, III, etc. Think of how another shoe to the groin might deprive them such joy! Such early onset hearing loss! Again: What's wrong with baby carrots?!
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