Dude's parents were clearly jerks.
I don't have an Instagram.
— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) February 20, 2013
Case closed, then. But when she does join Instagram -- and with an upcoming album to promote someone on Team Miley is probably selling her on the idea -- let this tabloid incident be a lesson.
A lesson in what she should totally do, photograph, then filter through one of several pre-set nostalgic lenses.
Taylor Swift @taylorswift
Followers: 4.5 million
Pro-tip: Take photos of your cat. (May need to buy a cat first.)
Justin Bieber @JustinBieber
Followers: 6.9 million followers
Pro-tip: If you're going to take a selfie, be sure to flash your abs. (The Brannan filter really amps up definition.)
Zooey Deschanel @zooeydeschanel
Followers: 1.7 million
Pro-tip: #MANIMONDAY #SOOOOPRETTY
Followers: 2.6 million
Pro-tip: Give your fans a peek at your life behind the scenes by posting artistically shot promo photos.
Bonus tip: When all else fails, SHOES.
Chloe Moretz @cmoretz
Britney Spears @BritneySpears
Pro-tip: Share selfies. Official, management-approved, airbrushed selfies.
Jessica Alba @JessicaAlba
Followers: 1.5 million
Pro-tip: Let your fans know you eat food -- just like them! And that you take gross photos of your lunch -- just like them!
Justin Timberlake @justintimberlake
Pro-tip: Anything goes, so long as you use the B&W filter.